SCOTTEVEST/SeV Acquired for $500 Million Deal Foretells Major Economic Turnaround

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SCOTTEVEST/SeV Acquired for $500 Million Deal Foretells Major Economic Turnaround

Jordan Global Enterprises (JGE), a venture capital firm with diversified holdings, has acquired controlling interests in SCOTTEVEST INC (SeV) and its wholly owned subsidiary, Technology Enabled Clothing (TEC). The deal was consummated today in all stock deal valued at over $500 million. Jordan Global Enterprises divested itself of large interests in Microsoft, General Electric and other leading companies to acquire SeV in an unprecedented joint stock purchase.

According to Scott Jordan, President/CEO of JGE, “We have been watching SeV and TEC very closely for awhile. We believe that SeV's patented Personal Area Network (PAN) will be incorporated into all upper body garments in coming years, easily making this a billion dollar proposition. We believe the purchase price of $500 million is a bargain.” Jordan cited SeV’s huge growth earnings – over 1,500% increase in revenue last year – as another asset that made the company an attractive buy. “We were drawn to its great earning potential, which more than justified the $500 million price tag.”

Former Playboy Bunny (August 1999) and SeV spokesmodel, Rebecca Scott, has been appointed CEO of SeV. Believed by some to be an unusual move, Jordan explains that he has been watching Rebecca for some time and can easily see her in this position, among others. Jordan said, “She belongs on top. In my wildest dreams, I never thought I would find someone with her attributes. She is a dream come true.”

In another unprecedented move, SeV Marketing Director, Kelly Adoggi, has been named CEO of TEC. Kelly describes her position of top dog of TEC as, “a real treat.” While she declined to comment on her plans for the company, industry observers will be keeping a close eye on her. Kelly is a controversial choice. While praised for her ability to take the ball and run with it, she also has a reputation for barking out orders. The combination has made her somewhat of a lone wolf in the corporate world. Jordan, shrugs off any criticism of Kelly, saying that, “her bark is bigger than her bite.”

While some question the timing of this merger, Jordan claims that the timing of the announcement is of the utmost importance for this deal valued at over $500 million. Stealing a look at his calendar, Jordan went on to say that, “opportunities like this are rare. They tend to happen only once a year.”

GOTCHA! Disclaimer: Many of the stories contained herein have no basis in fact and any resemblance to actual people, facts or events is purely coincidental. Happy April Fools Day!